I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
