you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
