Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
