So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
