boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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