I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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