My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
