Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
