Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
