We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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