Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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