im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
