So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
