Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
