you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
