I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
