He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
