fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
