i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
