They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
only if we run a train.
done.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
