You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
