too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
