I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
