it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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