And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
