there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
foreskin is a definite game changer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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