Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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