I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
