What did we do last night that was yellow?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
