remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
