but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
