In the future we'll all be gay
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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