'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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