He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
