So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked a lego.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
