Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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