We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
