How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
