Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
