I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize