OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
