everyone is single if you try hard enough
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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