Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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