Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
