mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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