Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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