i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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