Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
