we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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