yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
