Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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