That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
