i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
