trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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