had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
