We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
