I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
