Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's like iHOP with fire
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
