i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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