I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
