So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
