Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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