So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
