Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
